It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
