I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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