I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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