So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize