How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it's like iHOP with fire
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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