just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
