I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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