The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
then he tried to convert me to islam
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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