bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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