Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
