How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
