dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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