but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
