yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
