i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Randomize
