come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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