shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
