i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Randomize
