is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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