and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
