it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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