when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
