Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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