Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My ATM looks so different sober.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
