I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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