I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
