You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
