she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
