no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
