I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
