Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
