Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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