Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
