he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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