I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
