the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
