i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
