She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i think im in europe. pls send help
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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