Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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