Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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