I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
