If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
