If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
