she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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