ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
40s are totally the cure
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
