If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
