Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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