you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
