i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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