i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
