I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
