I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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