I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
