just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
