Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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