LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
