We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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