apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
