anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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