I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
