I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
