I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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