i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
