Even the bartender felt bad for me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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