the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
