I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
