dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
