It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
