The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
