Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
