I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
