Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
