He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize