Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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