well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
