I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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