If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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