It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
