Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
