I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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