is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
