I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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