i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize