So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
