u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize