just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
