if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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