is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
