ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As shirtless as possible
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
