She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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