I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
