My first STD was from a foam party
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
