I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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