Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you traded sex for a burrito?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
