; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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