Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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