Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
