I'm gonna have a badass scar
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
