I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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