So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
