Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
